I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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