I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nutella sex= disaster
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
