Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
