Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
