Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
40s are totally the cure
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
