dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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