So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
