Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
