you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
