That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
