I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
