I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
