this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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