I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
