you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
