Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
