god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
