We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
