You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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