I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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