You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
