I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
