well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
