What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize