Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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