You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
