i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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