Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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