but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
