i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
