Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
