Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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