another moral hangover. fuck.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
