One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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