We got so high we made milksteak
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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