Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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