seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
