I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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