Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
