after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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