Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
