I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize