i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
