I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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