Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
