I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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