yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
