So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
