kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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