I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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