were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
