Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
