im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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