I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
