'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
