u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
