Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
