I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
