u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Still dying that you shit outside
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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