I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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