My nipple is on Facebook.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
