we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
