i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
