I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
