Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm jealous of your bromance
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
