And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize