So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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