And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
