the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
