dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
