I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
