I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
