I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
