I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
