Kiss
Puke
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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