my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
