Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
