She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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