Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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