I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
